Today i am going to explain how you achieve the ultimate party trick and this is a trick which certainly should,nt  be used  at a children or your nans xmas party by the way.The effluvia trick  as i myself call it,effluvia meaning a fountain of water,needs the following ingredients for the recipe to be  a success.
    Ingredients for the FUNNEL FUN  surprise.

I.A washing up bowl

2.A small funnel .one you would find in an average household
3.A large funnel

4.bubble bath or washing up liquid

5.A large sponge ...used in the bath room not one you have icing
6.Hot water.not cold or warm but hot



Please use the exact ingredients and follow the  instructions carefully

The idea of your party trick is to get as much water up ya anal regions  (arse) and front passage( minge) before squirting it out over everyone in the room at your party .However,let me explain  it is advisable that you only squirt from one orifice at one time unless you become an x-spirt
Obviously a trick that only females can perform,this trick is to do with air pockets,muscle action and giving your pussy a bit of a workout.The results can be very interesting if rehearsed properly and aimed at someones face maybe somebody that you particularly dislike,an ex boyfriend perhaps,maybe someones who owes you money or maybe some dirty faced fucker who needs a wash. As noted in the ingredients, we use two funnels and this is for safety reasons.The small one must  always  be used for the pussy only GIRLS BEWARE never use the bum funnel in the pussy as it could pass those bum germs and you'll get poorly,not good.Always practice safe funnel fun.



Gently lie yourself down on your back ,probably on some fle- ridden  pub floor,spread ya legs,knees up and insert the funnel(obviously which way round)all the way into your eager beaver.OH and remembering to take off you're knickers first to prevent complications.Before starting this wet procedure make sure you have your washing up bowl ,sponge and hot soapy water at hand because you dont want to hunting about with a funnel up your quim.Make sure the water is hot and not cold as it helps the pussy muscles to relax and squirting is made easier.Never use scolding hot water for obvious reasons and thats me talking from a painfull experience that left me with burnt flaps and my assistant with early retirement.Now,fill up the funnel with water.OK girls here comes the tricky bit,suck in the water using your pelvic floor muscles and as you do clench your stomach muscles in hard.Try to do this as quickly as possible ,take the funnel out,then push the jet of water everywhere achieving the right consistency of a psychedelic fountain.Add strobe light for garnish and voila.


This is  excellent for honey pot clearout and can be good for removing those lost grapes,bits of tampax and round up the stale forgotten spunk.


Round Two Bum Fun Funnel Surprise - the hard bit


NOTE: it may be advisable to try and get rid of a little bum gravy before you begin.Also known as colonic irrigation (sort of),if done well as a party trick,only water will shoot out of your back passage so dont worry boys and girls.




Go on all fours like a dog and shove the bigger funnel up ones arse,lube up hole if necessary.Again to avoid complications remove your knickers,or Y-fronts as this is a unisex skill.I am thinking about running classes for the under seventies male,teaching them to master the act of effluvia fun,anyone interested? Lean forwards so your arse is up in the air,knees and head are on the floor (such romance).This time,suck in the air first and then using the sponge,sqeeze and suck in the soapy water a little at a time,and repeat until at least a pint of water is up your butt.Then quickly take out the funnel and push the water out and as you almost anally prolapse,aim and fire.Squirt the water everywhere BEHOLD an effluvia of holy anal water.AMEN.  Spin around on all fours at the same time if you like to achieve a spectacular spiral effect to cover the whole room and everyone.Anyone for bum juice,yah? 2 words of warning,always mind the dj's equipment and make sure a toilet is nearby.If not all could turn pooey as five after your party trick the whole of your dinner shoots out and your recipe for fun could turn into a recipe for disaster.


PS  Enemas i'd like to do on someone 
1) slim shady (emimem) just because it sounds good,eminemenema try saying that fast with a funnel up your arse.

2) All politicians because there so tight 

3) Kim Basinger because she probably has a nice Arse-hole.
and who i'd like to do  an enema to me no one rather do it myself or maybe clive owen if i've had a few drinks.xx